Shattered
by TheLostMaximoff
Summary: Wanda grieves for the loss of a friend before she ever got to tell him how much he meant to her.
1. Hearts That Bleed Scarlet

Shattered

By TheLostMaximoff

Disclaimer: Don't own any of this stuff but thank God Kids WB started new episodes again. Anyways I think I have successfully beaten my writer's block to death with this one. Check out moondemon's "The Death Wish". It's not the most well written fic ever but it gave me the idea for this one so I owe it a big hug and thank you. R/R, I know you will.

WARNING: I cried when I wrote this. I just want to state right now that I love Toad and I wish that no harm may come to him now or ever. That being said, prepare to be depressed.

This all feels like a dream, a surreal nightmare I can't wake up from. Maybe it is. I haven't been sleeping well since . . . it happened. Maybe this whole thing is all a nightmare. The cold night wind bites at me as I pull my coat closer to try and protect myself from it. It painfully reminds me that this is real and that he's really gone. Forever.

I would close my eyes to try and block everything out but I just keep replaying what happened. That's why I can't sleep at night. I can see it so clearly, too clearly. His eyes, his face, his head in my hands. I can see him fade away, the light in his eyes just go out right there. I can hear him whisper his last words. '_I love you'. _I'll never be able to sleep again.

I stand in front of the marker and fall to my knees. The others don't know I'm here. I haven't gone out of my room since it happened. The only exceptions were now and the funeral. God, the funeral. I couldn't contain my tears. I couldn't bear to watch as they put him in the ground.

I trace the letters with my scarlet nails. Todd Tolensky. Everything flashes in front of me. I remember what happened. Dad said the Brotherhood had to prove themselves so he gave us a job. A hate group, the Friends of Humanity, had been hurting mutants. He said they were planning something big. We were supposed to stop them.

We raided their headquarters. They didn't stand a chance. Toad was in rare form that night, bouncing around and cracking jokes. Was, past tense. This hurts so much. He loved to impress me, to show me how cool he was. Why was I so fucking worthy of his attention? Why was I worth him dying?

Everything is still a blur even when I try to remember it. One of them was somehow behind me. I was busy, too busy to notice him aim his gun at the back of my head. Toad, however, was more observant. I can still remember him slamming his body into mine as he took the bullet that was meant for me. It slipped right up under the armor on that stupid outfit he wears when we go on missions. The crack of the revolver still haunts me. I hear it in my head sometimes and I remember. I remember cradling him in my arms. The last thing he said after asking if I was okay was, "I love you." I never got the chance to tell him how much I cared. He was gone.

I put my forehead against the stone and sob. When he was gone something in my mind shattered. I suddenly remembered everything: the asylum, Father, Pietro, the Sentinel disaster, everything. I remembered Arrowrose. This was the second time he had saved my life but this time he wasn't so lucky. I haven't spoken to Father or Pietro since Toad died. I hope to God I never do ever again. They can both burn in Hell for all I care.

"You stupid little wart," I mutter through my tears, "Why'd you have to care so damn much? Why'd you have to let me live? You damn stupid fool." It would've been better if I had gotten the bullet. I wish I had. It's not fair that a sweet guy like him has to die saving a monster like me. I wasn't worth his love.

"Why'd you have to die?" I cry, "You didn't have even the damn decency to hang on so I could say I loved you too. I should've told you sooner. I can't get anything right." I just sit there crying for a little bit. Then I think something stupid.

'_I can do anything,'_ I think, '_I'm the Scarlet Witch. It's all just chance, just luck that I can change.'_ I summon my powers for the biggest hex I've ever tried. I don't know if I can do it, if I can make him live again. I'm not God, I don't think, but if I can just get close enough to it I can bring him back. I can tell him I love him. I can kiss him again and this time I'll really mean it.

"Come on," I hiss through gritted teeth, "Work damn it." I can feel the little tingle in my head. The electricity makes my hairs stand on end. I'm trying but it's not working. I can do anything, why can't I bring back the only person in the world I care about? I'm so good at breaking things, blowing things up, and hurting people. Why can't I fucking fix something for once in my worthless, miserable existence? Why can't I bring back the one person who meant everything to me?

"Damn it," I sob as I pound on the hard marble, "Damn it, damn it, damn it." Every curse is accompanied by a pound. I curse and pound until my hands are red. My nails dig so deep into my skin that blood oozes out. Blood on my hands. Kid's stuff. I've suffered worse. The bruises in my heart and scars on my soul will attest to that fact.

Blood on my hands, not just mine but his too. This is all my fault. He died for me, took a bullet in his kind little heart to save me. Why? I certainly didn't deserve it. I never deserved any of the attention he showed me especially considering the way I treated him like shit. God, I was so cruel to him.

"Todd, please," I beg, "I need to see you smile again, I need to hear you call me one of those stupid names. I need you to know I love you too." Too little, too late. He's gone now all because of me. He's gone and there's nothing I can do to bring him back.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, "I'm sorry I never told you how much I cared about you. I'm sorry I never told you how much I enjoyed that kiss or how I loved it when you paid so much attention to me. Your cuddlebumps is sorry, Todd. Your snuggles, your crimson cutie, your sugar plum, your babycakes, your Wanda. She misses you so much, Todd, so very much."

I couldn't finish. I wanted to tell him I was sorry he took the bullet instead of me. He was lucky. He doesn't have to feel all the pain I feel right now. Todd died to save me but without him around I don't have anything to keep me alive.


	2. Perceptions and Dreams

**Shattered (Part Two)**

By TheLostMaximoff

Disclaimer:  Don't own it.  Let me say right now that I didn't originally intend to do a part two but I had an epiphany this morning so here we are now.

WARNING: I may not be your favorite person by the time you finish reading this fic.  Just remember that I love you all whether you're mad at me or not.

            I must've said I'm sorry about a million times tonight.  I must've cried a million tears.  I can remember every time, every single damn time I was mean to him.  Every one of them with crystal clarity.  I tell him I'm sorry for every one of them.  It doesn't soothe my pain.

            I feel so raw, so naked, so alone.  There's something in me that's gnawing away at what's left of my soul.  I've felt this way before, in the asylum.  Then it was anger and hate that consumed me in flames.  Now, grief eats away at me like cancer.  Grief and the pain of things left unsaid.

            I stand and with a last look I turn to leave.  I'll be back.  I can't let this go; it refuses to leave.  I try to forget about it all but every time I close my eyes I just relive it all over again.  As bad as I'd like to I'll never forget that Toad died to save me.

            I open the door to the house quietly.  Everyone else is asleep.  I creep up the stairs, quietly hexing them so they don't creak and disturb anyone.  I stare down the long, dark, deserted hallway and a flash of the asylum runs through my mind.  I suppose now it's not that much different.  I've just jumped from one cage to another.

            "Enjoy your walk?"  The voice is familiar but I don't know the person, not anymore.  I had a brother once who was like this boy who stands in front of my door but he's gone now.  All that's left is a cruel, twisted version of him who lives down the hall from me.

            "Move," I order, "Let me into my room."  I'm in no mood to hear him talk.  His very voice is like acid in my ears.

            "Look, I'm sorry about Toad," says Pietro, "but you have to move on."  Move on?  I'd like to move him on into the afterlife.

            "I'm moving into my room," I state with cold determination, "whether or not I have to move you to do so."  Pietro won't back down.  He looks concerned for me but looks, like my brother, deceive.  It must run in the family, in the males particularly.

            "Please, sis," he pleads as he puts a hand on my shoulder, "I'm sorry, really.  He was my friend too."  That's enough.  The one thing I can't stand above everything about my . . .brother is a simple fact.  When I hate someone they know it but with Pietro he can be your best friend and your worst enemy all in one package.  I absolutely hate that.

            "Listen to me, you little weasel," I hiss as my hand closes around his throat and I slam him against the wall, "You better thank God, if He still listens to scum like you, that I don't have the energy for another funeral because if one more word comes out of your lying mouth I swear I'll make your skull pop like a damn balloon."

            Pietro tries to make some response but it only serves in making me want to rip his throat out even more.  His friend?  Pietro doesn't have friends.  He has tools, weapons, pawns.  Just like Father.

            "Get this straight," I tell him, "You don't talk to me, you don't touch me, you don't interact with me at all, and you make damn sure you don't tell me how 'sorry' you are about Todd.  As far as I'm concerned I don't want your particular brand of slime anywhere near me so back off."  Pietro nodded and let out another strangled gasp.

            "I'm glad we understand each other," I tell him as I throw him into the floor and slam the door behind me.  His friend too?  Todd was not a friend; he was someone I loved.  Pietro has no concept of love.

            He's sorry?  He doesn't know how I feel, he never did.  If he were half the leader, half the man, he claims to be he would've been watching my back.  He would've pushed me away instead of Toad.  He's so fast he could've done it and not even got hit.  Why didn't he?  Because Todd, just like the rest of us, just like me, is/was expendable to him.  The only thing he wants to do is impress Father.  Why?  Like our father is someone worthy of it.

            I slam my hand on the door in frustration.  I didn't want to do that, to hurt Pietro.  Had things turned out differently we would still be friends like when we were little.  But that was a lifetime ago and the Pietro I knew then is dead.  I no longer want to have any kind of bridge to this person I call "brother" now only out of habit.  That bridge is no more.  I blew it up, killed the architect, and shredded the blueprints.  Same with Father.  Everyone I've ever loved has either betrayed me or has been taken away from me.

            Salt stings my eyes again.  How much can one person take?  Haven't I suffered enough?  Dear God, I'm only seventeen.  I can't take anymore.  I can't be alone anymore.  I curl up against my door with my knees against my chest and cry again.  I sob and heave and cry.  If I could cry myself to death I would do it in a heartbeat.  If it were humanly or mutantly possible it probably would've happened to me by now.

            "It'll be okay."  That voice, it can't be.  He's dead, in the ground.  I know, I saw.  I look around and listen again.  I'm hallucinating; this is not real.

            "It's okay," says Todd.  Oh God, I can see him now too.  He's right in front of me.  I'm crazy but strangely I don't feel alarmed by this fact.  I just let it sink in.  This is what happens to insane people, they see things.  I'm insane therefore it's normal for me to see a dead person.

            "C'mere," he says as he wraps his arms around me.  This doesn't alarm me either.  My entire body tingles as he hugs me.  I'm strangely calm now.  I just let it all out.  Real or not he's here and that's all that matters at this point.

            "It's okay," he says again.  He repeats it as I keep crying on his shoulder.  I guess that's what it is.  Ghosts don't really have bodies.  I cease to rationalize.  Rational thinking went out my window a long time ago.

            "I'm so sorry," I tell him.  He knows and nods.

            "Listen Wanda," he tells me, "You gotta get over this.  You gotta start gettin' some sleep and eating more too.  You look terrible."  Health critique from the damned?  Well, that's a new one.

            "I can't," I reply, "Every time I close my eyes I see it, Todd.  I see you take the bullet, I see you die in my arms, I see you tell me you love me."

            "I know it hurts," he replies, "but it'll get better.  You have to believe that it will fade."  Fade?  Fade like him, like my memories of him.  It sounds insane but I'm scared, I'm scared to forget him.  I'm terrified that I'll forget the one person who truly loved me.  That's why I refuse to go on living.

            "I love you," I whisper.  He knows, he's always known.  I was the last one in on this little secret.  He just holds me and I'm happy.  For once in my lonely life I'm happy.  It's such a beautiful feeling.  I just close my eyes and lose myself until there is no him or me but just we, just us.  It's more of heaven than I can ever hope for.

            Wanda opened her eyes and looked around.  It was morning; she was in bed, in her nightgown.  She didn't remember going to bed.  She hadn't been sleeping since . . ..  Was that a dream?  She could've sworn it was so real.  Was it all a dream, everything?  Was Toad still alive?  Wanda looked around, unsure whether or not she was still dreaming.  There was a knock at her door.

            "Go away," she replied automatically.  Then she shook her head.  Dream or no dream she needed to change.

            "Wait," she said, unsure if the other person could hear her, "Who is it?"

            "It's jus' me."  That voice.  Another hallucination?  Wanda got up and went to the door.  She opened it and looked around.  There was no one there.

            "Toad?" she asked weakly, "Are you there?"  She looked down the hall and saw him turn around.  She could see him; she could hear him.  Time for the ultimate test.

            "Yeah," replied Toad as he looked at her, "You okay, Wanda?"  An image recoiled in her mind.  His eyes, his voice, lights out, dead in her arms.

            "C'mere," said Wanda shakily.  Toad shuffled over to her door.  Wanda hesitantly held out her hand and touched his cheek.  She could feel him, his skin, his slime, his body.

            "Oh God," she choked as she hugged him harder than she'd ever hugged anyone, "You're alive."

            "Well yeah," replied Toad, "Least I am unless you wanna crush me to death here."

            "Shut up and kiss me, you little wart," she replied as she pulled his lips towards hers.  It was better than the first time.  She felt so at peace, so content, so alive.

            "Wanda?" asked Toad as they separated, "You feelin' okay?"  This certainly wasn't the morning welcome he was used to from her.

            "Better than ever," replied Wanda, "Toad, I just had the most horrible dream on Earth but it made me realize something very important."

            "What's that?" asked Toad, clearly ready for anything at this point.

            "I love you, Todd Tolensky," replied Wanda, "I love you so much."  He barely had time to answer before she hugged him again and nearly crushed him.

            "I know," he whispered.  For Wanda, déjà vu never felt so good.

            "How?" asked Wanda.

            "I can see it," replied Toad, "in your eyes.  Every time you blast me or yell at me your eyes say 'I'm sorry'.  I know you love me, Wanda, but it's more important that you know it too."

            "I do," replied Wanda, "You have no idea how happy you make me feel.  I was scared of it at first so I pushed you away.  Now the only thing I'm scared of is losing you."

            "Then you're not scared of anything," replied Toad, "I ain't goin' nowhere, cuddles."  For the first time ever, Wanda actually smiled at one of his stupid little names.  She idly worried about losing her edge and then banished the thought.  If she had to shatter the image of the Scarlet Witch to get the real Wanda back then pass her a bucket full of bricks.

            "Let's go get some breakfast," said Toad.  Wanda nodded and relinquished her grip on him.  Suddenly she thought of something.

            "Get us both some and bring it in here," she said.  Toad looked a little puzzled until she winked at him.  He grinned and hurried downstairs.  Wanda turned back to her room and looked in her mirror.  For the first time in a long time she didn't see the Scarlet Witch anymore.  She saw herself, she saw Wanda.  She smiled and her reflection smiled with her.  He had been right all along.  She did have a beautiful smile, she just never got to see it.  She'd have plenty of time to make up for it.

(Author's Note):  What, you actually thought I could kill Toad?  Shame on you and after I already told you I loved him.  Anyways, don't be too mad at me.  After all, I did give you a happy ending.


End file.
